


A time when Rin Okumura's friends actually had his back

by ILY2



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, I repeat - SPOILERS!!, Poor Rin, bon is a good friend, takes place in chapter 114 of manga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:04:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24401008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILY2/pseuds/ILY2
Summary: What would have happened if, after Rin's breakdown upon seeing his birth, he had woken up to Bon and Izumo instead of Shiemi? Rin is at a low point, but his friends won't let him down this time.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 119





	A time when Rin Okumura's friends actually had his back

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> This fic is basically me recreating chapter 114 of the manga, with Rin waking up to Bon instead of Shiemi (not really a shipfic, I just like their chemistry more, idk). Sort of a canon divergence! I also want to put a disclaimer that his is my first fic and I wrote it quite a bit ago but just never put it anywhere, so it isn't super relevant to where the manga is now. I guess I'm just getting impatient for the new chapter to drop.

“Ah, you two are just what I need!” Mephisto exclaimed as his head peeked around a door. His eyes adjusted to the dark-lit room to see where Izumo and Bon were waiting, Lightning’s testimony happening in the adjacent chamber.

“Director?!” Bon shouted. “Aren’t you supposed to be in the hearing right now?”

“Relax, relax, we’re taking a pause.” the demon muttered as he disappeared behind the door again, struggling to drag something out behind him.

Bon and Izumo’s eyes widened as soon as Rin came into view. The boy was completely unconscious as Mephisto carried him over to where the two sat on the ground leaned up against a wall. Mephisto haphazardly shoved Rin next to them.

“What the-!?” Izumo shouted as she lunged to keep Rin from falling over completely. She let his body collapse to the ground and slumped him up against the wall where Bon and her had just been waiting.

“Don’t worry, he’s unconscious so he shouldn’t give you any trouble. He just needs a few minutes to cool off. I’ve got more important matters to attend to now, though, so you two take care!” the demon king said hurriedly as he disappeared behind the door he had come from with a wave.

“Wait! What are we supp-!” Bon yelled before getting cut off by the slamming door. He made eye contact with Izumo, who was looking as uneasy as he was.

No one had seen Okumura since the Koma sword broke. Mephisto had whisked him off to ‘confinement’.  _ Or wherever the hell he was hiding him away at _ , Bon thought. And while he didn’t like to admit it, he was anxious about being in the presence of Rin again.

“I can’t believe this.” Izumo muttered, interrupting Bon’s train of thought. “I mean, I’m sure that clown knows what he’s doing, but why are we babysitting Okumura after everything that just happened to him? With his heart restored he’s almost as dangerous as a full-fledged demon king! Or maybe he _ is _ just as dangerous, seeing as he just got his power back and has no idea how to control it.” She paused for a moment, thinking, after Bon shot her an annoyed look. “And even if the director wasn’t there when Rin attacked us, surely Amaimon must have told him what happened. He must know how risky this is.”

“Yeah I know. I’m not too happy about this either. But look, he’s knocked out hard.” As Bon spoke, he searched his friend up and down, considering Izumo’s words. _ She’s right; Rin’s power is scary. Hell, it’s terrifying. I’ve never seen such raw power up close like that. But… _ He looked at Rin now. It’s true, he wasn’t the same person as before. His hair, once a deep black, was now a blue-ish white, as was his tail. His ears, already pointed, now extended longer and sharper. So did his fangs, which Bon could hardly make out in Rin’s slightly agape mouth as he snoozed. But as the young demon’s head lolled to the side, supported by his shoulder, Bon couldn’t deny how unequivocally  _ Rin _ -like he looked. As if this were just any other of the countless naps he had taken in cram class.

“Ha.” Bon scoffed, looking back to Izumo. “Don’t you remember? He came back to himself at the very end there. He does every time. I have faith that he wouldn’t hurt us, demon heart or not. And anyway-” he was cut off by a quick movement and sharp inhale from Rin. He and Izumo froze, facing their friend on high alert.

“Mom, I’m sorry…” Rin muttered softly, eyes still closed.

“Mom?” Bon whispered after a moment.  _ But the Okumuras don’t- _

“Dad, I’m sorry...Yukio, I’m sorry...everyone please...I’m...so sorry...I...didn’t mean…” Rin spoke again, almost in a whimper, his body trembling slightly.

“Is he okay?” Izumo asked, looking over at Bon with concern on her face.

“I don’t know,” Bon shook his head, “I’m sure he’s just having a bad dream. Maybe we should wake him up?”

“No!” Izumo snapped a bit too loud, causing Rin to jerk slightly. His head rolled to the other side, half facing the wall.

“Hey, watch it.” Bon ordered in a harsh whisper, glaring at the girl. “If you don’t wanna wake him up you better keep your voice down.” Izumo rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh. 

“Izumo, Suguro...I’m so sorry…” Rin muttered some more.

Izumo and Bon looked at each other, startled.

“Can he hear us?” Izumo nervously asked, arms folded across her chest.

“It seems like it, doesn’t it.”

“He must be feeling guilty about something that happened a while ago if he’s saying sorry to his mom and dad, but what could he have done that’s making him apologize to us, too? You don’t think he did something since the last time we saw him, do you?”

“Hell if I know,” Bon answered, “but there is a way to find out.”

Everything stood still for a moment before Bon crouched down, leaning closer to Rin.

“Hey, Okumura, what are you sorry for?” he asked softly. 

_ What the hell is that idiot doing!  _ Izumo glared, bewildered, stepping forward and grabbing a hold of Bon’s arm to pull him away.  _ I didn’t expect him to just ask! He’s gonna wake Okumura up! That’s the last thing we need right now, at least until Mephisto comes back. _

But before Izumo could pull back on Bon, Rin seemed to answer.

“I...I’m a monster...I should never...never have been born...they’re all dead because of me! I killed all of them! I should just DIE!”

Izumo and Bon froze in their tracks. 

“What..? Who’s ‘they’? What’s he talking ab-” Izumo froze when she heard Rin begin to laugh softly. 

“This is freaky, right…? How can he be laughing after saying all of those things?”

Bon’s mind began to race with similar thoughts before the laughter grew louder, becoming completely unhinged. Rin’s mouth was open wide now, his enlarged fangs gleaming in the dim light. Bon stood back up, stepping away from Rin until he felt his arm brush Izumo’s. His heart dropped when he realized it was only half of Rin’s face that seemed so overjoyed. 

“Shit!”

Rin threw his head back as his body burst into brilliantly blue flames. Half of Rin’s face was contorted into a sharp-toothed, maniacal grin while the other half looked like it was screaming out in terror. Only the eye on the seemingly possessed side was open, but, much to Bon and Izumo’s horror, Rin’s iris was broken into a three-pronged spiral and the pupil had taken on a deep shade of red. Blue flames spewed out of Rin’s mouth and others took the shape of large horns on the top of his head while the laughter continued.

“HEH HEH HEH!!! AH HA HA HA HAAA!!! JUST DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!” Rin threw his hands up to his face, tugging on his hair while more flames began to accumulate over his chest. The demon heart began to take shape.

“Okumura! Okumura, snap out of it!”

Izumo’s shriek snapped Bon out of his daze.  _ Shit shit shit! Where’s that damn clown!? No, forget him! _

Bon glanced over at Izumo quickly. She was frantically emptying her bag to find her summoning papers but, by the looks of it, was not having much luck.

Bon focused his attention back on Rin. For the first time, his other eye had opened, and despite the chaos, he managed to make eye contact with Bon. The look in Rin’s eye was so utterly desperate, so panicked and fearful. Bon knew he had to do something.

“STOP!” Bon shouted as he charged Rin. He quickly began chanting a mantra that formed a holy protection barrier over his fist. ”For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. To him be glory in the Lord.”

Rin began screaming, his flames erupting into even larger plumes that were nearly blinding. Bon held a hand to his face, shielding his eyes from the intense light. Not only were they brighter than ever before, Bon noticed, but they were  _ hot _ . The air around him was beginning to ripple as the heat distorted the refraction of light.

“PURIFY YOURSELF, JUST AS HE IS PURE!” Bon finished chanting as the barrier tripled in size, crackling with golden energy. He drew back his protected fist before punching Rin’s demonic side with it,  _ hard _ . The force of the attack sent Rin to the ground with a thud.

Bon was breathing heavily, exhausted from the barrier but still eyeing Rin in case of another attack. Everything was still for a moment. Rin’s flames continued to burn, but not with the ferocity that they had been a moment ago. Bon noticed out of the corner of his eye that Izumo must have found her summoning papers, as her fox spirits appeared by their sides. 

Rin rolled himself over and onto his hands and knees, wheezing. His body was swaying slightly and his eyes were scrunched shut. 

“That was a good punch, Suguro.” Rin said as he sat up. Bon tensed at hearing his name.

Much to his and Izumo’s relief, though, Rin’s arms were wrapped tightly around his body as his flames drew back into his heart. They shrunk to little more than a flicker before vanishing altogether. When they had finally disappeared, Rin let his hands drop limply into his folded lap. He tilted his head up to look at Izumo and Bon; his piercing blue eyes cutting through his white, messy bangs.

“You guys...are you okay?” Rin asked, still shaking slightly despite his best efforts to look composed.

Bon and Izumo just stared for a moment, still trying to calm themselves from the near disaster that almost played out.

“Uhh, ye-yeah. We’re fine. What the hell just happened though?” Bon demanded, crouching down and sitting criss-cross across from Rin. Izumo followed suit, releasing her familiars from duty.

“I just…” Rin sighed. “I don’t know. It’s like, I can’t catch a grip on myself anymore, ya know? It was just like...like before…” he trailed off, fixing his gaze on the floor. He didn’t want to make eye contact with his friends, if he could even still call them that, after how he had just lashed out at them. And after everything he now knew to be true about himself.

“Before, like when you fought Amaimon during the training camp?” Bon asked.

“Yeah. I guess.” Rin mumbled as he thought about all of the other times he had lost control.  _ Even back in kindergarten. Even- even the very moment I was born! _ The images from the scene Rin had just witnessed flashed in his mind. Of his infant self, just seconds after being born, massacring dozens of exorcists without a second thought. Incinerating them all to ashes. His mother, crying in protest and soon to be another victim.  _ Why? _

_ ‘Why?’ Ha!  _ A voice in Rin’s head laughed. He remembered what his demon self had told him the last time they met. “ _ Don’t you remember your own words? ‘I am Satan’s child. I cannot run away from my own power.’” _

_ Fuck that! I don’t want anyone else getting hurt cause of me!  _ Rin’s mind screamed as he balled his hands into fists and gritted his teeth.  _ Even just moments ago, I nearly killed my friends, right? If Suguro hadn’t snapped me out of it? It would have been just like before! Incinerated to ashes, just like all of those other people! I’m a monster that’s gonna burn this whole world into ashes! _

“Hey, Okumura.” Bon said firmly, putting a hand on Rin’s shoulder. “You okay? What’d they do to ya since the last time we saw you?”

Rin opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out.

“Look, it’s none of our business. Let’s just get Mephisto before anything else goes wrong.” Izumo snapped. Being frank, she didn’t really want to know why Rin had been apologizing to everyone moments before, and what had happened that made him lose control. And she sure didn’t want that to happen again.

“Like hell it’s none of my business! My friend just said it would’ve been better had he never been born - said he should die! And you don’t think I want to help him with whatever’s going on?” Bon shot back, staring Izumo down with a look of disgust.

Rin’s eyes darted over to the monk.

“Wait wait wait, how do you know-”

“You were talking in your sleep before you went berserk.” Bon answered levely.

“Oh…”

“Look if you really don’t want to say anything you don’t have to but- but… don’t go sayin’ those types of things, okay? Don’t forget we’re friends! Whatever’s going on, you can talk to us. We can help you. You don’t need to keep hiding stuff from us and handling everything on your own!” Bon’s piercing eyes were focused on Rin.

“I know, I know but I...I can’t…” Rin said softly as he diverted meeting the concerned faces of Izumo and Bon. “I’m sorry. I should go.” He stood up, key in hand, and started making his way towards the door Mephisto had disappeared from.

_ What the hell’s up with him?  _ Bon thought angrily.  _ Okumura isn’t the type to worry over things, to get discouraged. To admit to wanting to have never been born? Who is this?  _

“What the hell,” Bon grumbled as he stood up and grabbed Rin’s arm before he could leave. “Look, I don’t know what happened since the last time we saw you, but you’re starting to seriously piss me off. Going off on your own, pretending that everything’s fine! Just like before, and just like my old man! When are you gonna learn that you can trust us!?” he shouted. 

Rin turned around to face Bon, jerking his arm away from him in a flash of blue flames.

“Yeah and if I told you what I found out, you wouldn’t be saying any of that!” Rin shouted back. 

Bon flinched away, taking a step back from Rin.

“What do you mean?” Izumo asked, coming up beside Bon defensively as if to protect him from another outburst from Rin.

Rin looked down at the floor.  _ Dammit _ he thought as he gritted his teeth and felt tears forming in his eyes.  _ They’re gonna find out eventually. Maybe I should just tell them now before they start to care about me. Before they try to call me their friend again. I can’t take it! They don’t even know how foolish they are for wanting to be friends with something like me!  _

“You guys… you- you’re wrong about me. I’m not good news.” Rin looked up to face his friends one last time.  _ There’s no going back now.  _ He tried giving himself the courage to say the next part.

“The Blue Night was my fault.” Rin said unwavering. He saw the looks of shock and confusion from Bon and Izumo, but didn’t want to stick around to explain himself. “Now let me leave. Trust me, you don’t wanna be associated with me anymore anyway.”

“Like hell you’re gonna drop a bomb like that and not give us an explanation as to what the hell you’re talking about!” Bon fought back. His angry expression making Rin want to shrink into the floor. “The Blue Night happened 16 years ago - it’s not possible for it to have been caused by you! How’d you get a crazy idea like that through your head anyway?!”

“Because I saw it myself!” Rin shot back. As much as Rin didn’t want to have to tell them the gruesome details of how he was born, he realized he didn’t really have any other options. The look of determination in Bon’s eyes affirmed this.

Rin sighed.

“Look, Mephisto took me back in time to see how Satan was created, and how my mom and dad- er, Father Fujimoto grew up. That’s what I’ve been doing ever since my demonic awakening. Or uh… second awakening, I guess. Anyway, my mom, even when she was, like, six years old, could see demons. She liked them. She was always visited by this blue flame, she called it ‘Rinka’” Rin laughed darkly, realizing how similar it sounded to his own name. “That flame turned out later to be Satan and he impregnated her once he was finally able to possess a body.

“The day Yukio and I were born, a bunch of exorcists had gathered in this huge room, what’s now the cram school. They knew there were two of us, but I was the only one who inherited Satan’s power. All of these priests and exorcists, including Father Fujimoto, were prepared to kill me the moment I was born but…” Rin paused, at a loss for words. Images of his infant self, launching himself at the exorcists and burning everyone with his flames, flashed in his mind. 

“But I was too strong. I was born with my demon heart intact and I… I killed anyone who even tried to stop me. Who-who even looked my way.” Rin gritted his teeth, his brows furrowed and hands clenched into tight fists. “I incinerated all of them to ashes without a second thought! There were so… so many of them… ” Rin’s voice wavered as he choked back a sob. The images of burnt corpses were ingrained in his mind. “... all dead because of me…”

Silence hung in the air and Bon and Izumo had horrified expressions on their faces. No one dared to speak after what Rin had just said.

“I- I don’t expect you to forgive me, and I don’t want you to, either. So please, just leave me alone. I shouldn’t even be here.” Rin’s voice cracked as he turned around to leave. 

There was a moment’s hesitation before Izumo decided to grab a hold of Rin this time.

“No, you’re not going anywhere!” she snapped much to Bon’s surprise.

“Don’t you get it? I’m a monster! I never should’ve been born… My whole life, all I’ve ever done is bring people pain! I need to leave before I hurt anyone else!” Rin shouted as tears fell from his eyes and his body burst into flames, pulling away from the girl. She refused to let go, though, even when the flames began to get uncomfortably hot.

“No!” Izumo shot back, tears beginning to form in her own eyes. “The Okumura that I know, that Suguro knows, that all of your friends know! He wouldn’t ever choose to hurt someone!”

“Didn’t you hear what I just told you? How could you forgive me after that! How could anyone forgive me! I don’t deserve forgiveness!”

“Yes, I heard you! But that  _ wasn’t  _ you! You don’t really expect us to punish you for things you aren’t even conscious of doing? Things that happened 16 years ago?! You’re being ridiculous!” she shouted.

“Did you know that I killed Father Fujimoto?” Rin asked, his wavering voice a faint whisper. 

Silence.

“Wait, what? Okumura-sensei told us the paladin died a little under a year ago after being possessed by Satan.” Izumo said matter-of-factly.

“My old man was the only one who was able to withstand Satan’s possession. His will was so strong, no demon could penetrate it- not even the father of all demons. But, the night I awoke to my flames… I lashed out at him. I said such mean words… I- I broke his will. That’s how Satan possessed him, and then he died to save me! Yukio will tell you the same thing - I’m the reason he isn’t here today…it’s my fault! I killed him!” Rin spoke as more tears fell from his eyes.  _ Yukio. _ “And- and the reason why Yukio left us! What kind of brother am I that I didn’t realize what he was going through. I- “ Rin froze, staring at his trembling, blue flame-clad hands. 

He could feel his last few shreds of sanity slipping away from him, knowing that if he got any more worked up his demon half would take advantage of it again. Rin reached for his head to calm himself as his breathing began to quicken. By this point, it had happened enough times that Rin could recognize when he was about to lose control.  _ Dammit! Not again! _ Rin cursed himself as he scrunched up his face in concentration.  _ Not now! _

“I- I need to- “ he began, hoping to get away from the others before he lost himself.

“Okumura, listen.” Bon broke in urgently, voice thick with grief. He could also tell that things were going to get nasty if he couldn’t calm Rin down.

“First off, unless all the accounts of the Blue Night have been completely falsified, it wasn’t you who was responsible for killing everyone. While a lot of exorcists were killed here, at the eastern True Cross branch, which I suppose could have been because of you, a vast majority of them were killed in other cities. My grandfather, Shima’s brother, and Koneko’s family were all killed in our temple in Kyoto. So unless there’s a part of this story where you were able to travel through space, Satan was still the main cause of everyone’s death.” Bon paused for a second, gathering his thoughts. His words were reaching Rin, whose breathing was beginning to slow, Bon noticed.  _ Good. _

“And as for your father, it was Satan who possessed him, and he made the decision to kill himself to save  _ you _ . He wanted  _ you  _ to live! Would he want you to be blaming yourself like this? Would he want you to die? Is that what he would’ve wanted?!”

Rin met the young monks eyes now, a startled look on his face.

“And about Okumura-sensei, hell, I know he’s your brother, but it’s not like he’s been treating you fairly at all. That bastard shot you three times, point blank! It’s not your fault he kept everything to himself and finally snapped. So unless you wanna end up like him, you need to start trusting us to help you right now!” Bon shouted.

_ No, no!  _ Rin’s mind was in a panic,  _ They can’t be serious! They didn’t see what I saw, they don’t know what they’re talking about! They don’t know what I really am. How can they trust me to control myself when  _ I _ know I can’t! I’m not strong enough to. I need to leave before I hurt anyone else. I can’t come back to anyone. _

“No. I won’t let you guys forgive me. You’re only fooling yourselves if you think you can trust me.” Rin growled, feeling his flames growing bigger.  _ I don’t want their forgiveness! I’m a monster!  _

“Even now… I have no control!” Rin gasped as his features began to morph back into their possessed form. “GET AWAY!”

Rin’s commanding shout made Bon and Izumo instinctively take a step back.

“HA HA HA! IT’S TOO LATE! YOU REALLY ARE PATHETIC! SO WEAK! HEH HEH HEH!” Rin tilted his head back and entered another horrific fit of laughter and screaming.

“Dammit Okumura! Snap out of it! You’re stronger than this!” Bon shouted.

But it was too late. The large horns had reformed, as did the demon heart. The room was illuminated by bright blue once again, and Izumo and Bon were forced back from the explosion of power.

“Suguro!” Bon heard Izumo shout his name. “It’s too late! Okumura’s not strong enough to control this and it’s definitely not something we can handle on our own! We need to get backup NOW!” Her arms were raised over her face, sheltering it from the bright light and heat as she slipped her way past Okumura towards the open door.

“No, I’m staying here! Don’t worry, I won’t try to fight him. I’m just gonna keep him in here!” he assured her. “You go get help!”

“Ughhh, you idiot! I’m going to go find Mephisto, then!” she yelled, reluctant to leave Suguro by himself. She couldn’t believe that she would be defying the most basic exorcism rule of fighting in groups of two or more in a time like this. She gave one last glance at Suguro, who was gesturing for her to get a move on.

“Okay… I’ll be back as soon as I can! Don’t do anything stupid!” she shouted back before disappearing through the door.

“Screw that.” Bon muttered under his breath as he watched her leave. 

He began to make his way closer to the demon.  _ Okumura, dammit! What the hell is up with this? You were always so strong. Going off to face all sorts of demons by yourself. Always staying positive, even when everyone turned their backs on you!  _ Bon thought about their final moments in front of the Impure King, when Rin couldn’t draw his sword.  _ You were always the one to keep it together! You were so sure of yourself! And- and never afraid of anything! You drew your sword eventually because- because you knew you were the only one who could save everyone! You would sooner die than let any of us get hurt! Okumura! _

As Bon got closer to Rin, the heat from the flames grew unbearable. He was certain his skin would begin to blister at any moment if it weren’t already. At last he was inches away from the source of it all. The thought of creating another holy barrier quickly crossed Bon’s mind, but he was certain he didn’t have the strength left in him to make another attack powerful enough to work. 

“Okumura!” Bon shouted at the demon, even though he was certain Rin wasn’t able to hear him.

“HA HA HA HAAAAAHHHGGGGHHH!! BURN BURN BURNNN!”

“Okumura, I trust you! Whether it’s from the Impure King or… or whatever the hell you’re becoming! Come through for me!”  _...Let me reach you! _

Bon lunged at Rin, wrapping his arms around him. Where he expected to be met with severe, scalding pain, though, Bon only felt warmth.  _ It’s not hot.  _ Bon realized, eyes wide. He laughed,  _ Of course it’s not… How many times will it take for me to realize? ... Rin… _

The young monk pulled Rin into a tight embrace, holding his convulsing body against his own. He felt Rin tensen in his arms as the half demon gradually fell silent. Bon gripped him tighter and, after a moment, the boy’s body went completely limp. Bon realized he was supporting all of Rin’s weight and slowly sunk to his knees, feeling Rin’s head leaning against his as his breathing slowed.

“It’s okay.” Bon whispered, comforting not only Rin but also himself. Time seemed to stop as the two stayed tangled on the ground. He wasn’t sure whether Rin was still conscious at this point, and was about to pull away from him slightly to find out. Before he could, though, Bon felt Rin’s arms wrap around him. Apart from everything that had just happened, Bon was reminded of Rin’s demonic heritage by the strength of his arms around him. He smiled a small smile to himself and tightened his grasp as well.

It had been years since Rin had felt contact from another person like this. Yukio had never been close since Father Fujimoto died, but the two were never really ones to be physical with one another anyway, he thought. Except when they were little. But when they were little, Rin liked hugging his dad the most because Rin was able to hug him the hardest without being worried that he would hurt him.  _ Dad…  _ Flashes of Father Fujimoto from the past passed through Rin’s mind  _ … Dad! _

Bon felt a tremor through Rin’s body as he choked back a sob.

“Hey, Okumura, you okay?”

“Ye- yeah.” Rin suddenly jerked out of Bon’s arms, wiping his face with his sleeve quickly before Bon could notice. Not like his puffy, watery eyes wouldn’t give it away, he realized to his dismay. Rin resorted to sitting next to Bon rather than across from him, hoping his appearance would go unnoticed that way.

“Suguro I… I’m sor-”   
  
“Hey. You better not be about to apologize for something.”

“Hah… You got me.” Rin answered with the sincerest smile he could muster.

“Look, I… Well, while I don’t want you gettin’ possessed by your demon-self every five minutes - er, actually I don’t want you gettin’ possessed at all. Well it’s just- anyway, it’s okay for you to lose your- your cool sometimes.”

“Lose my… cool?”

“Yeah, I mean… “  _ Dammit _ Bon thought,  _ I’m no good at this type of thing at all. _

Bon sighed.

“Okumura, what I’m trying to say is, it’s okay for you to get upset about things. Hell, with all that’s happened to you, I don’t get how you’re able to stay so positive at all sometimes.” Bon shook his head, hesitating before saying the next part.

“And I know that everyone has crazy expectations for you to kill Satan and that’s sort of the only reason you’re being kept alive, but… But it’s not fair that you have to carry so many burdens on your own. And it’s okay to be angry about that and be angry at others. Everything that’s happened to you isn’t your own fault, you know. And I know that can be hard to accept when most people will think the worst about you just because of your heritage…” Bon gritted his teeth. “Even people like me who  _ knew  _ you were a good guy and ignored that because of those flames of yours!”   
  
“Suguro… “

“Look, I- I guess what I’m trying to say is… don’t be so hard on yourself. Even things that happened 16 years ago, those weren’t  _ you. _ What Izumo and I said earlier is true; you’re a good friend. You were born with this demonic power that you can’t control sometimes because life's a bitch and you can’t change the cards you’re dealt. So… if things ever get out of hand, or you get facts twisted in that thick skull of yours and start blamin’ yourself for things that aren’t your fault, you can talk to me about it.”

Bon processed what he just said and his solemn expression quickly changed to a flustered blush. 

“I mean, not just me! You could talk to any of your other friends, too. The, uhh, the other exwires… I mean, I know we’re all sort of split up right now. Oh, but uhh, Shima’s probably not a good one to talk to, but… “

“Suguro.” Rin interrupted Bon’s disjointed train of thought.

“Thank you.” The half demon said, some of the fiery energy coming back to his eyes. He looked at Bon with a big, dorky smile across his face.

“While I still may not see things the exact same as you… I feel much better now.” he said. 

A small smile appeared on Bon’s face, as well, before he looked away, embarrassed. 

“Hah, well that’s good, ya dumbass.” Bon said as he reached over to knock Rin in the back of the head and ruffle his hair. Rin smiled. He was happy that things could just go back to the way they were now.

“The hell’s up with this anyway?” Bon asked. “Is your hair always gonna be this color?”

“Ughhh, don’t remind me.” Rin groaned. “I think so. This is what color it was when I was a baby, too. And- and it’s… the same color as… Satan’s… ” Rin trailed off with a dead look in his eyes.

Bon winced.

“Man, that’s a tough deal. Well, at least you don’t have to worry about looking like a threat like Satan, what with those tiny, little horn nubs on your forehe-”

“Shut up!! They’re still growing in, okay?” Rin shot back defensively, but with a good-humored smile.

“Mmhm, yeah. Well, when they do grow in, it’s gonna be a hell of a lot harder to pass you off as being human.” Bon said with a laugh. 

He thought for a second, his face turning more solemn.

“I don’t know how in touch you’ve been, what with all the time traveling you’ve been up to, but all hell’s really broken loose since the portal began opening. Everyone’s beginning to see the demons now.” Bon’s eyes were cast down.

“Yeah, I know. Assiah’s never gonna be the same, is it.” Rin sighed. “Things are bound to get interesting from this point onward, that’s for sure.”

“No kidding… But, I gotta say Okumura, since you awoke to your demon heart I feel like now more than ever we have an actual shot against Satan. I bet you’d be able to do some serious damage if you stopped holding yourself back. You’ve just got to make sure you go berserk on him instead of us next time.” Bon joked.

“Hah…” Rin turned to face the other exwire. “I wish I felt the same way. But it feels like I’m back at square one with using my power. Now that I’ve got the demon heart, I definitely can’t afford to lose myself again.” Rin frowned, knowing there was something else he needed to bring up with Suguro, but not wanting to quite yet. 

“And anyway, if I’ve learned one thing since going back in time, it's that a fight against Satan’s not something to look forward to. The guy’s power is terrifying. I don’t know if it’s just a demon thing, but even just being in the same general area as him overwhelms me. Not to mention the guy’s a complete asshole, too… Although I knew that much from the last time we met.”

“The last time?”

“When he possessed my old man. It was just him and me.” Rin explained.

“So that was the first time he ever spoke to you?” Bon pressed, his own curiosity getting the better of him. He had always wanted to find out more about Okumura’s past, but he knew from previous attempts that Rin wasn’t one to open up about stuff like that.  _ It was just the two of them? How did that night go down? _

“Yeah, I mean, I didn’t even know he existed until a few hours before that.” Rin answered thoughtfully. “And I wouldn’t have even realized that it was Satan that possessed the old man had he not introduced himself to me. After that he opened the Gehenna Gate right in the middle of the church and shoved me into it...and then...” Rin shook his head, trailing off.

“And then Father Fujimoto came back and sacrificed himself.” Bon softly concluded.

“Yeah.” Rin said in a whisper. “And he fell into the gate after me. I drew the Koma Sword, even though that was the one thing dad said I should never do. I guess even til the end I never listened to him.” Rin laughed darkly. “But I thought if I destroyed the gate… that everything could be fine. I got us both out of there and slashed the gate but… it was too late.”

Bon wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to say everything was okay. But how the hell can you say anything after hearing that story. Bon felt guilty for pressing Okumura about what happened that night, for forcing him to relive some obviously painful memories. But Bon also realized that Rin had probably never talked about that night with anyone, not even Yukio. And so he figured he didn’t need to apologize. He just needed to listen.

“I was sort of lost after that point. I was just a no-good delinquent - fired from every job I managed to get, getting into street fights every day… hell, I almost didn’t even graduate from junior high, what with how often I was skipping. Dad was the only one who saw me as something more than that.” Rin continued.

“So then, at his funeral, I met Mephisto. He said I could either choose to let them kill me, try to kill them and run, or kill myself. And that’s when I told Mephisto that I wanted to be an exorcist, to beat the shit out of Satan.”

Bon thought back to one of the first days in their gym class, when they were training with the Reapers. He remembered how bewildered he was when, after Rin had saved him, he declared that his goal was to defeat Satan.  _ And that must have been just but a few days after this! _

“Mephisto seemed pretty excited about that idea. So he took me up on my word and enrolled me in True Cross, and the rest is history! ...All of that being said,” Rin thought for a moment, “now more than ever, I really wanna beat the shit out of Satan.”

Bon laughed.

“Well, that’s good to hear.” Bon said. “It’d be bad news if you of all people changed your mind. Just… don’t go running off to kill the guy without me.”

“Of course not! We’re all gonna reunite first. Me, you, Izumo, Koneko, Shiemi… hell, even Yukio and Shima! Oh, and Kuro and Shura too, of course. This is like the part in those hero movies where everyone’s separated, lost on their own journeys before we all reassemble at the end, more powerful than ever and ready to kick some serious ass!”

“Pffft!”

Silence hung in the air for a few moments.

“Hey, Suguro.” Rin said seriously. “There’s something I need to talk to you about. I know you’re gonna get mad at what I’m about to say but it’s important and I want you to trust me on it, okay?”

“We’ll see about that. What’s up?” Bon answered, his curiosity obviously piqued.

“I know all of the exorcists of the True Cross have orders to kill me if I, ya know, lose control or anything.”

Nervous about where this was headed, Bon turned to face his friend. He noticed Rin was averting his eyes. Before he could say anything, though, Rin continued.

“Just… if that does happen- if I do lose control, I mean… “ Rin sighed. Why did this have to be so hard?

“If I lose control, I don’t want you or the others to trust me to come back to myself. I know we’re friends, even if I act like a dumbass sometimes and don’t always make it seem that way, but… I don’t want that clouding your judgement. So, right now, I’m giving you permission to do everything in your power to stop me if that happens. Even if that means killing me. It’s okay.” Rin faced Bon now, his face full of emotions Bon couldn’t quite pick out.

It didn’t matter, though. Bon was furious.

“No w-!” 

“I know, I know! But you have to trust me! The fact of the matter is, my demon-self isn’t something to screw around with! The guy’s scary and- and I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to keep restraining him like this! It was just dumb luck and brute force that I was able to stop him from killing all of you guys the other night.” Rin said looking down, suddenly sullen.

“What do you mean?”

“I- what? What do you mean, what do I mean?”

Bon rolled his eyes.

“How were you able to stop him the other night?”

“Oh. I uhh, I punched him in the face?”

“WHAT?! What the hell is that supposed to mean!?” Bon was bewildered.

“It means what it sounds like!” Rin shouted back, suddenly defensive. His tail lashed.

“So you’re saying your demon-half isn’t even a part of you? He’s a whole different person?”

“Hm. You know, I never really thought about it, but I guess so?” Rin put a hand to his chin, a quizzical look on his face.

“Okumura.”

“Hm?”

“Explain.”

“Look, I dunno! After the sword snapped, it was like I woke up to a dream. Everything was black and I was human again. But then a demon-version of me - well, I guess he just looked like how I probably look now - anyway, he sprung out of nowhere and started yelling all of this stuff about how he  _ is  _ me, how I had suppressed him long enough and he was gonna take over… In retrospect, he actually reminds me a lot of Satan; he was just raw power and rage and  _ evil _ . So I punched him in the face and told him to get lost.”

Bon’s mouth hung wide open.

“But before he died,” Rin continued, “he said some ominous stuff, like ‘that’s all for now’. And ever since then I can just  _ feel  _ him. Like he’s just waiting for the tiniest break in my will to take over again. Just like a few minutes ago. And just like… what happened before Mephisto dropped me off here… ” He trailed off.

“Oh, shit! What am I doing spending so much time here!? I’ve gotta get back to Mephisto!” Rin scrambled to stand up.

“Hold up.” Bon yanked him back down. “Help me get this straight. So then, it’s just your sheer will power that’s holding him back right now?”

“That’s what I thought, but… “ Rin thought for a moment. “Before I passed out, Mephisto said something about having my heart locked in another dimension. And the reason I went berserk in front of him must have been because I pried it out from there.

“I’m not sure what happened between then and when I ended up in here, but he must have sealed my heart again ‘cause it’s not showing and I don’t know how to hide it on my own.” Rin continued. 

“So then, if Kurikara is restored and your heart is re-sealed, things should get back to normal for you, right?”

“Probably?” Rin pondered.

Bon began thinking.  _ There’s no guarantee that the sword is able to be fixed. Swords can’t just be reforged, good as new. And it would still have to be strong enough to hold Okumura’s heart if he tries using it again. That option must be completely out of the question… But all of this talk about his ‘demon-self’ taking advantage of his weak will? All of this sounds familiar for some reason… Too familiar…  _

“This is all besides the point, anyway!” Rin interrupted Bon’s train of thought with an irritated look on his face. “I just want you to understand that with all hell breaking loose right now, the last thing we need is for me to lose control. Just based off the damage I managed to do seconds after I was born, there’s no question that I’m as big a threat as… well, as the spawn of Satan would be.” Rin sighed.

“No.”

“What?”

“I mean, yes, you’re a threat. Like, demon-king-level threat,”   
  


Rin scoffed.

“but that’s not my point. I think you’re going about this the wrong way.”

“What do you mean?” Rin asked, his tail swishing beside him and occasionally brushing against Bon who pretended not to notice.

“I mean, you’re thinking about this all wrong! Don’t you see? This is just like before!”

“...Uhh you’re gonna have to help me out here?”

Bon groaned.

“Like during the camping trip when you lost control the first time in your fight against Amaimon.” Bon explained. “You had never practiced using your flames before, and then all of a sudden you were thrown into a situation where you had to rely on them to save everyone. But you were afraid and weak, so they completely consumed you. You gave in to them.”

Rin wanted to be offended, but he knew Bon’s words were true. Shura had explained this to him countless times before.

“Even after then,” he continued, “you kept treating the flames as something to be afraid of, and your confidence was so shot that you weren’t even able to open Kurikara anymore. But you eventually realized that they were  _ your _ flames. And when you started to believe in yourself a bit, you were finally able to start manipulating them as you wished. You weren’t overtaken by them anymore.”   
  
Rin stared at Bon with wide eyes.

“This is just like with the flames again. You’re afraid of this other part of you, and don’t feel confident enough to control it. So you won’t even try using it. But when it’s unavoidable, you just succumb to it. But, Okumura, just like how they’re  _ your _ flames, this is  _ your  _ heart. You have to stop treating your demon-self as something separate from you. He’s not a different person from you; he’s a part of you!  _ You _ have command over him. You just need the confidence and practice to exercise it.

“So no, I’m not gonna kill you the next time your demon heart breaks from whatever dimension Mephisto’s got it trapped in. Because it’s all up to you whether that leads to destruction, or whether it saves us all. And I know you wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt.”

Bon’s piercing gaze was focused on Rin, a look of determination on his face. He smirked.

“Besides, you’ve done it once already, right?” Bon challenged.

Rin’s eyes dropped, focusing on the palms of his hands.  _ He’s completely right.  _ With hardly any concentration at all, blue flames began to lick the tops of his fingers. 

“You’re right.” Rin said, his voice barely louder than a whisper. Then, and without a second thought, the flames disappeared as Rin curled his hands into fists. “But, I don’t think training to control my demon heart will be as easy as learning to control the flames was. It’s not like I can just chat with my demon-self and kindly ask him to cooperate with me.”

“Yeah, no shit- that’s an idiotic idea… But then again, if he’s just another version of you, maybe that’d work.” Bon teased.

Rin rolled his eyes.

“In all seriousness, though, I don’t think this is something anyone’s gonna be able to help you with.”

“Yeah, I know.” Rin’s gaze fell to the floor.

“Just know that we, all of your friends, have got your back.” Bon said as he put a hand on Rin’s shoulder. “And, hey, when you decide to confront your other self, after you’re done time traveling or whatever, make sure I’m there to punch you in the face again if things get out of control.”

“Ha, sure thing.” Rin said. “Hey Suguro, thanks for… everything. I’d be in a really bad place if I hadn’t run into you.”

“It’s what friends are for. And anyway, it’s not like you had much of a choice; that clown practically dragged you to us.”

“I guess you’re right.” Rin said with a laugh. “Speaking of which,” he continued after a moment, “I should really go find Mephisto and head back to the past.” 

Rin stood up, followed by Bon.

“Yeah, I should go, too. I’ve got a serious feeling that Lightning’s testimony is not gonna end well for him.” Bon said, hand behind his head.

The two met eyes, grinning, before bumping fists and heading their separate ways.

“See ya on the other side of this, Suguro!” Rin called back as he stuck the key into the door, reopening the portal to the past.

“Yeah, you too. Stay strong, Okumura! Don’t forget what I told you!”

“Don’t worry about me, princess!” Rin waved before disappearing behind the door.

_ What an idiot. _ Bon thought to himself with a smile.

\----------------------------------------------

“Feeling better now, little brother?” Mephisto asked Rin with a wicked smile after he returned.

“Yeah, sorry. I don’t know what got into me. I’m ready to continue.”

“Splendid! We’re right where we left off.”

“Oh, wait!” Rin interrupted. “Before we jump right back into that, I gotta ask. Did Izumo ever find you?”

“Oh yes, that girl.” Mephisto said with a grin. “I just had her hop into the drawer of one of my prized, magic prank-dressers. I just needed her out of the way for a bit so she wouldn’t interfere with things. But it seems that things worked out after all, so she should be reunited with Suguro-kun by now.”

Rin rolled his eyes.  _ Of course. _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Alrightyyy that's it! Like I said, this is my first fic and my first time posting, so sorry if there are any formatting issues or anything. I would really love some feedback! Thanks for reading!!


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